I shouldn’t be letting this hurt. Six months after the fact, this shouldn’t be getting to me. The opinions of people who mean very little to me shouldn’t have any sway on my state of mind. Why has this hurt me so much then?
Last post I wrote a brief paragraph on the discovery of a slander blog by Lucien – it seems that he had intentions of blogging simply to get his feelings out, but the comments received ended up turning the whole thing into a bitch-fest. I feel angry, hurt, sad, sick and I still can’t believe it all – even conversations that I had on MSN have been copied and pasted for all to read. It appears that conversations I had with my own sister were promptly relayed to Lucien, simply to provide more fuel for the fire. Seeing as he has no qualms about quoting people without their permission, I suppose I’ll share with you some of my favourite snippets – written by Lucien and his droogs. Yes, this is unethical, but this hardly compares to the essay of hate he and his friends have written.
Seriously, i didn’t realise how used to her fringe I was until i saw her without it, it was all i could do not to gape at the size of her forehead. (Lucien)
She just looked like anyone else, and an overweight someone else at that, particularly in her face around her chin. (Lucien)HUZZAH for making the dumb slut sad. (A supporter)
What makes someone like me, a self confident 24 year old soon-to-be lawyer with the world opening up at his doorstep, bend over backwards to accomodate a childish, impulsive, selfish girl with a penchant for self-delusion? (Lucien)
The worst was a poll down the bottom of the page, asking “If Rose said she wanted Lucien back, your advice would be…”. The most popular response was “Don’t take her back, you could do better.” I can’t believe that he could be this cruel. Everybody who commented has disguised themselves with pseudonyms, but there are hints as to who they are. People who pretended to be my friends. People who told me wholeheartedly that they didn’t want to get involved on either side. People who let me cry on their shoulder before forwarding everything I said to the enemy camp.
I feel utterly betrayed and detested. I never publicized some of the less savory things he did and said to me and I still won’t, but now I wonder how things would have panned out if I had have launched an offensive like his. Break-ups are so hard and there is so much hurt in them without everybody else in the world getting involved. I am not the only one to blame… I just have a touch more class than to throw all the dirty details (tainted by more than a touch of bias and spite) out there for everybody to dissect.
This little discovery, combined with everything else that has been happening lately, is a bit too much to bear. Yes, it’s not even 7pm, but I think it might be drug-induced bedtime.
Hayley said,
March 19, 2008 at 11:53 am
I thought I had expended all my rage at the Blog of Vilest Slander in the last post, but no! Rage continues unabated!
I may only know you from blog-land, but I know that you are a good person, and you do not deserve the childish, pathetic vitriol being directed towards you by this cowardly scumbag and his equally traitorous cohorts. The only way to deal with such concentrated awfulness is to hang on to the wonderful things around you. You are starting a business, your Sebastian sounds like one of the most loving and caring examples of male-dom, you are moving out into the world and making your own wonderful place in it. You are Rose. You are freaking awesome!
Hold your head high, because this unimaginative bastard is the one who never deserved you.
Syar said,
March 20, 2008 at 10:21 am
Am totally Team Rose all the way! Gosh, Hayley has said it all, so maybe she and I should get together and make t-shirts.
This is completely unacceptable. Childish? Selfish? talk about pot calling the kettle black. Who does this guy think he is? Such poison, I’m feeling suffocated by all his negativity. I’m sorry you have to put up with this, that all this harsh, ugly, crude darkness has to impinge on your recovery and ascent to bigger better things. He’s an utter arsehole. No poll or blog or MSN conversation in the world could ever negate the fact that you are a wonderful person, and your life is better off without this loser, who is clearly still sore over the whole ordeal.
Ed said,
March 20, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Have you considered legal action?
The irony.
You know, apparently the best revenge is living well. Think about it.
We seek revenge because we think it will sate our anger and lead to happyness (sic).
However, we could just seek to be happy irrespective of the other.
I’m so sorry for what has happened Rose.
I can’t believe he’s done it all using a pseudonym.
Please don’t let this small, small little boy get to you.
xEd
Chérie said,
March 22, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Wow, and I thought I’ve seen all there was to jerkdom.
You realize that the only reason he’s taking such actions is because he’s jealous, right? I don’t know him personally but it’s the only logical explanation as far as I can tell (besides the fact that he’s uncivilized). If you were in the worst possible scenario, e.g. homeless, penniless, etc., he would not be spending his time degrading your character in a sad attempt to rationalize the ordeal that your supposed flaws were the culprits of the failed relationship.
He’s angry that you’ve found a new partner (and a great one at that) so quickly, that you’ve developed a business for yourself, that you’re actually moving on without him. He’s still stuck in the past, he’s torturing himself — don’t let him torture you.
As for the betrayal of “friends,” think of it as Spring Cleaning, laundering out the old, less loyal ones and bringing in the new, more dependable ones. Plus, this means you won’t have to make/buy as many gifts for all those holidays coming up! It seems like a win-win situation to me.
Please feel better and bonne chance,
Cherie
Chérie said,
March 22, 2008 at 4:44 pm
By the way, I just checked out your Violonjello website — It’s beautiful.
If you need any help with anything, albeit I’m on the other side of the globe, I’d be more than ecstatic to try to help.
Rose said,
March 23, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Thank you everybody for the lovely words; they have definitely made me feel better. Admittedly, the blog has not been updated since December or January, but it still irked me to no end that he: a) made a public blog, b) left it up there after all was said and done.
As for the friends involved, some are forgiven immediately because were there only as a support to Lucien as they were a support to me. Danger and Elle, you’re both forgiven. Mostly everybody else was venomous, malicious and disgusting, and at least I can be glad that now I know this, rather than even blindly trusting these people again.
But it’s over! Thank you all, I feel a tad more sparkly with you all helping me!
Forensick said,
March 25, 2008 at 1:24 am
i am a droog supporter, yay me!
quote me all the way baby…. you know i love it.
but now I wonder how things would have panned out if I had have launched an offensive like his.
one could consider fucking his best friend a few days after the break up AS going on the offensive….
just a thought, but maybe you should consider the consequences of using your cunt like a revolving door.
and so you know, i am not on “his side” i found the whole thing quite funny, and i knew him through sebastian….
Rose said,
March 26, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Well.
audreyapple said,
March 26, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Forensick, charming. Rose, how dare you “use your cunt like a revolving door”. With TWO men!
Jesus. Forget them. Frankly, if Lucien is the kind of twat that’s going to write this:
“What makes someone like me, a self confident 24 year old soon-to-be lawyer with the world opening up at his doorstep, bend over backwards to accomodate a childish, impulsive, selfish girl with a penchant for self-delusion?”
then you’re better off without him. What a git. “soon-to-be-lawyer”? Forgive me while I roll down the aisles laughing in derision. Maybe someone should tell him that law degrees aren’t that hard to get, and lawyers (especially soon-to-be ones) come a dime a fucking dozen. Hah!
Rose said,
March 27, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Funny, every single day it becomes more evident how much better off I am without him!
Forensick said,
March 27, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Forensick, charming. Rose, how dare you “use your cunt like a revolving door”. With TWO men!
i am confused by your clarification…
one almost assumes that it being two makes it acceptable… as if either you need to fuck 3 or more friends with in a few days to be considered a whore by the world at large?
so what happens when we include the fact she also fucked another of “luciens” friends before settling for what would take her?
and yes, “lucien” always was a bit of a twat in the way he phrases things
but no matter what, looking back on knowing them both, i’d choose to surround myself with the twat rather than someone who can offer false condolences to a grieving friend, while fucking his ex the day after they break up like “sebastian” has become
Elle said,
March 30, 2008 at 6:48 pm
This has gone far enough. Since everyone seems so eager to mention my name here, I’ll say my piece, and then you can all direct any more discussion of this to MY blog; this isn’t a chatroom.
Lucien- Whether or not you are caring to admit it yet, you DID do something wrong. a) That blog was public and anyone could have read it. b) As the author of that blog, it was your responsibility to moderate it when it did turn nasty. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t you that wrote the comments, you should have taken control simply not to aggravate an already delicate situation. You owe apologies too.
Rose and Sebastian- You did something wrong. You know this, we’ve been over it a thousand times. You’ve admitted you were wrong and lived with the consequences (ie. Immature vitriol from alien parties…)
I don’t see what else you can do, unless you have a time machine handy.
Forensick- Like everyone else, I am struggling to see how any of this really involves you at all. But since you are so eager to be involved regardless of anyone elses wishes, I just want to ask you a question. I’ll also remind you that I’d prefer it if you could reply to this on MY blog.
Lucien claims that you are simply trying to be a supportive friend to him in a tough situation. It would make sense then, for you to concern yourself with how it affects HIM, how HE is feeling, what HIS thoughts are etc.
Whining and harrassing Rose and Sebastian only to tell them what bad people they are in less-than-eloquent terms isn’t going to change the past, and will only encourage them to rub their relationship in your face for the present.
It’s not going to acheive anything to abuse them for something they can’t change, and that you’ll never forgive them for.
If anyone else wants an opinion on this, pollute my blog with it, if it goes on here it will be deleted.
Elle.