I set up a Violonjello blog, roughly – but I don’t like it nearly as much as I like Pajama Empress. I’m thinking there might have to be an amalgamation between the two, or something, because I don’t see myself wanting to update this and the sad second-best Violonjello blog that I feel obliged to do.
Other than that, today I painted on canvas. It is lovely.. it’s a tiny little square painting of a sleeping matroyshka doll under a tree, in red, white, black and violet; acrylic, ink and collage. I would take photos, but my camera is buried in a mountain of boxes in Sebastian’s outside room (full of spiders). I promise I will dig it up at some point. The painting is for Sebastian, just because.
Over the last week or so, I’ve been looking at the blogs of lots of people who I admire. Mostly successful illustrators and designers with minds full of beautiful things, their lovely husbands, gorgeous children, and humble yet heartwarming lifestyles full of simple pleasures and fulfillment. In Keri Smith’s book Living Out Loud , she has a section about ‘determining a destination’. It is an activity where you are encouraged to write about your ideal life as if you are already living it. I like this, muchly – this is going in my sketchbook later. After I’ve made a happy red papercut for Sebastian’s drab white closet.
It’s so calming being here by myself during the daytime, even though I do get quite lonely. I’m looking out the window right now at a lovely pale golden horse happily munching the grass a couple of meters from where I sit, a black and white dog sleeping, sparrows chatting and pecking at the grass, trousers and socks blowing on the clothesline, and long shadows streaked across the amber grass from the almost setting sun. This, compared with where I was a few short weeks ago, seems to be the biggest thing that is making me feel better. A change of setting. It’s like being on holiday in the country. And it is so much easier to deal with things in a nice place than it is when you are surrounded by fear, filth and darkness.
Tasi called me yesterday, out of the blue. We’ve been friends for the longest time, yet we sort of fell out of sync in high school. We were at different stages, we went to schools with completely different cultures. Now it seems like we’ve finally come parallel again. Belinda once told me that now she is in her thirties, she realizes that it is not the teenage years that are full of drama, it’s your twenties – they are one drama after another with nightmares interspersed for those of a creative temperament. Seems this is true; although our teenage years were completely different, Tasi and I seem to be braving the same sorts of nightmares in what we have experienced thus far of the dreaded ‘twenties’.
But nightmares can be cured. With painting, cups of tea, warm socks, hugs and kisses.
Elle said,
April 21, 2008 at 1:52 am
Warm paintings and cups of socks are great and all, but can you please come over one day so I can take art folio photos of you and edit them and shizz?? WE’RE GONNA MAKE SOME SATIRE WIT YO FACE DAWG!
Anyway. That needs to happen. It would greatly appreciated. I really don’t wanna put my own face in my folio. Ugh.
Found anywhere to live yet? I might have somewhere. Little to no rent, paying utilities, 4 bedrooms… If all goes to plan you could stay with me in my house (you heard me right…house!) for a while you get back on your feet…but we’ll see, nothing’s definite in the slightest yet.
Everytime I try and plan anything lately someone comes and tells me what a bad idea it is for one reason or another. As much as all the adults right now are saying how much they “admire my maturity” and “respect whatever decisions i make”, there’s always something wrong with my plans. It’s not like people aren’t being helpful and supportive, coz they are, but they’re all worrying about me waaaaay too much.
“Ellen! You can’t live alone, what if you accidentally commit suicide!!”
“Ellen! You can’t board with a teacher’s family, that makes the school look bad!”
“Ellen! You can’t couch-crash forever like a gypsy, you need stability!”
The last one’s my favourite. Oh the irony. Maybe I’ll just accidentally die to piss everyone off?
Nah. If I wait til I’m in my twenties it’ll be more respectable.
PHOTOS!
Peace out dogman.
P.S I had glandular fever and didn’t realise. What a lol.
Rose said,
April 21, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I love the “what if you accidentally commit suicide” one – like you’ll accidentally hang yourself on purpose, or accidentally jump off a cliff on purpose. Accidentally.
How ’bout you come here? Sebastian is on another planet with Wedding Singer, uni and work, so some company would be nice. Plus you have all kinds of interesting props here, like a horse, and empty fields, and Sebastian knows where there is an open grave, apparently.
Where is this somewhere? I am definitely interested. It’s funny, the adults still worry about me – Dad has been trying to call me every single day, and I have only answered one of his calls, accidentally.
Ha! I had glandular fever too back in the day and only found out after the fact. It was a definite lol.
Wait, why am I writing all this? Call me after school… or maybe I’ll call you. We’ll see.