Pajama Empress

I have the sniffly-snuffly-blahs.. in short, a cold. My head is stuffed up, my skin hurts, my nose feels like it is about to rocket off my face – all quite glorious. I feel sorry for Sebastian, having to be in close proximity to someone who can’t sleep without hacking and coughing and sneezing and getting up for tissues and painkillers multiple times a night. It is very strange being so near him.. Maybe it’s the medication, maybe it is this ginormous weight that has been lifted from my shoulders/spirit, but I don’t feel anymore like I need him to be here for me to function. There are still bad days, but I’m not crumbling from lack of him. Having said that, I am still missing him a bit – Wedding Singer is all-consuming and there isn’t a lot of time left over after work, show, university and computer gamess. All in all though, it feels good; I feel like I enjoy being with him so much more now that he is something that I am choosing, rather than something that I simply need to survive.

I made my first attempts at being social in a long time on Thursday and Friday, which was interesting. Thursday at Cafe Go was a little bit of a fizzer – we didn’t know anybody, and the people we did know we didn’t particularly want to talk to. Stood around for a couple of hours drinking the same beer (it was too crowded to go and get another one) talking to a few people who were similarly disillusioned. It was cold, I was wearing a little dress with bare legs (probably the reason I’m sick now) so Sebastian and I went and did something that was actually really fun – went for a midnight hamburger and spicy chicken wings (which he referred to as ‘wingdings’, which I thought was hysterical). I had heard of these legendary, fabled burgers before; gooey, greasy, huge and ridiculously bad for you. I had been told of the perils of leaving the wrapper in your car; it would stink it out for a week. So I tried. It was the highlight of the night!

Friday we went out for lovely Italian food with some equally lovely friends, then saw The Producers. I’m a bit wary of writing exactly what I thought on such a public forum – apparently EVERYBODY in the whole Geelong theatre community read what I had to say about Beauty and the Beast last time. So, I’ll just mention my favourite bits: Sebastian’s brother’s girlfriend Alicia Miller was playing Ulla in the show, and she was so amazing. I still can’t get over how good she was; her voice was incredible, her dancing was fantastic. Sebastian’s Mum commented that “her legs go all the way up to her neck”, and it’s true – I am so jealous! My mentor-of-sorts David Mackay was playing Roger De Bris as well, and he was a scream and a half; I almost cried I was laughing so hard during the Keep It Gay number. He looks fabulous in a dress, even with chest hair. I am also so, so, so glad that they chose Matt Bradford to be the Hitler youth tenor; he really deserves it.

But there were two absolute favourite moments in the show; the whole Springtime for Hitler number was just too funny. It was probably the best thing I have ever seen on stage. And the second thing was the incomparable, indefatiguable, incredibly admirable Elise Dahl – she played the chorus girl wannabe in the I Wanna Be A Producer number as well as Shirley, the lighting designer. Absolutely epic.

It is strange; normally seeing a show would spark all kinds of feelings like, “Damn, wish I had been in it! I simply have to be involved in the next one!”. Like a huge fear of missing out. I am planning to audition for  Oliver, but if I don’t make it, I won’t be too fussed. I suppose my whole self-esteem does not rest on getting into a show or getting a particular part anymore.

I have felt like a new person like that lately; I applied for a couple of jobs at the performing arts centre and did not even get shortlisted for either of them. Previously, I would have been disappointed and despondent for ages, taking the disappointment personally and letting it affect my whole view of myself as a person. Now I feel a little bit more solid. A little more real.