Auditioned today.. how nervewracking. I sang Feed the Birds to audition for the October production of Oliver; I had the dance audition last week and felt I went quite well. I suppose I went well today too, because I have to come back to sing for the parts of Bet and Nancy on Thursday.
I really, really don’t know if I’m capable of Nancy though. She is supposed to be able to go down to a low F, and I can only really make the A or the G above it. I can go as high as you want, but getting these lower notes was so hard for me today.
Other successes: Sebastian got a callback for Bill Sykes, so did his younger brother, Beau. His brother’s girlfriend Alicia who just played Ulla in The Producers also got a callback for Nancy, so everybody is very, very careful with what they say to each other. It’s so odd being pitted against each other like this, but there are odd dynamics in play anyway.
Alicia and Beau are going to be engaged; apparently this is inevitable now. The whole situation is making me feel incredibly strange. The other morning I woke up to a conversation in the next room between the couple and Sebastian’s parents, talking about an engagement party, children, houses.. all manner of grown-up things. Looking at the two of them, you can see that they will end up together, but he is 20 and she is 21. Can somebody really foretell how they will feel for the entire rest of their life when they have lived less than a quarter of it (fate willing)? Sebastian’s Mum makes all kind of comments like, “Well, I hope that I have my boys to myself for a good few years yet!”, but everybody just seems to be going along with everything so… I guess, excitedly.
I feel odd about it. Sebastian’s grandmother came up behind Alicia yesterday morning and gave her a huge hug – very uncharacteristic. Alicia expressed surprise, and Pauline explained: “You’re going to be my granddaughter soon!”.
It is not pressure – there is no pressure on me, especially not from Sebastian. I suppose it is expectation. The imminent engagement is a topic that is thrown around willy-nilly; disected, discussed, analysed, speculated upon endlessly. They are not even engaged yet, and they are planning a party. Sebastian’s mother and I were shopping the other day, looking at a million and one engagement rings to suggest to Beau – she was asking if it was “Alicia-ish enough”, comparing prices, diamond weights, et cetera. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather not know if I was about to be proposed to. What is the point in asking a question you already know the answer to? I think it is a lot more gallant and it shows a lot more courage and strength of feeling to ask “Will you marry me?” if there is no foregone conclusion of success.
I guess I’m worried that if they get engaged, the focus will switch – suddenly there will be pressure where there wasn’t before. It’s traditionally an embarrassment to have your younger siblings get married before you – one of Sebastian’s friends is married, with twins, and I find comparisons or “Why can’t you be like Scott?” sentiments are thrown around a bit.
Ok, in conclusion – I am worried that once they get engaged, my relationship will be under the same kind of scrutiny, subject to the same kind of speculation and imbued with the same outside expectations.
Bleh..
Syar said,
June 2, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I agree with you on the whole knowing the answer to the big question. However, I can see myself being the kind of person in a relationship where we just naturally come to that conclusion. So yeah.
In any case, who am I to talk, I have never been anywhere near a proper relationship, let alone an engagement. It is an odd place to be in though, so I get the whole vibe you’re talking about. But I’m sure it won’t be horrible, can’t-live-with-it pressure.